The more you help people find their light, the brighter you both will shine.

Being happy has to do as much with ourselves as with others. If you can contribute to another person's happiness, undeniably you will feel happier as well. I think it's nature's way to guarantee that the good prevails.

Deep down inside we want to be contributing and collaborating, taking care of each other, lifting each other up, and probably not being as individualistic as we might have been taught or how society seems to appreciate it.

Happiness is not scarce so we also don't need to be afraid to share it or to help other people find it. It will not be at the cost of our own happiness, in contrary.

But it might be hard to focus on the other person's happiness instead of your own, and if that's the case for you, you're not alone. Fear or doubt might keep us focused on ourselves. Scarcity thinking might hold us back. Our beliefs might be keeping us in the more individualistic thinking patterns. And then there's time, or the perceived lack of it.

I know it all too well, but these challenges dissolve once you don't need that much focus on yourself. Stick with me here for a moment.

Misery = focus on yourself

When you have regular fears and doubts, when you often think in terms of scarcity, and when you think mostly in terms of "I", "me" and “mine”, you probably don't feel at your best (knowingly or unknowingly). And when you don't feel great, all of this giving and helping people find their light is indeed hard.

Why? Because you're focused on your own problems and it can close you off from the bigger perspective. Your ego might also kick in and try to “protect” you by keeping that focus on yourself and seeing other people’s happiness as a threat. Or it tries blaming the world for your struggles, which leads to frustration, anger, resentment, stress, victim-hood, etc. Not a state of being to help others find their light.

As mentioned, it's normal up to a certain level. We all struggle to some extend but that doesn't mean we cannot change and alleviate some of the struggles. It makes working on ourselves even more worth the while.

Happiness = focus on others

So you can, for example, spend more time working on yourself to become happier (there's a lot you can do!). Once you are happier, you will almost automatically start giving more. We're wired for it. Your focus opens up from yourself to your environment, your energy increases (less fighting yourself and less negative emotions), and *poof*, suddenly doing more good around you becomes easier.

Now, if you don't feel great and you don't want to actively work on yourself (or if you don't know how), you can use the mentioned quote as a happiness tool: help people find their light. Even if you don’t feel like it, see if you can be there for someone, without judgement, seeing their strengths, their goodness, ... and pointing that out. Or take time to help them discover what they would like to do in life. Listen to understand, not to reply. Shift the focus for that moment from yourself to the other person.

See how that will make you feel. The chance is real that you will also shine brighter afterwards or that other light will come more easily to you. It might not feel supernatural in the beginning, but the effect can be powerful.

Kindness is contagious.

Action

What do you think? Shall we give that a try? If yes, let me know how it goes!

PS: if you're a person that gives a lot to others but are not taking care of your own needs: it's crucial to focus on yourself first. You cannot pour water from an empty cup. You cannot shine brightly when you give all your light away. It's about balance, and that starts with you.

If you are a person that does like to do the work and you're seeking support, feel free to reach out. I'm far from perfect but managed to learn a thing or two on happiness.

Or subscribe to the happiness video series, weekly happiness insights and tools delivered straight into your mailbox 😊.

Cheers,

Jan Aquarius - Live. Grow. Matter.

#becurious #becourageous #beyourbest